MEDIA
05/23/2009 05:12 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Glenn Beck Expresses 'Erotic' Joy From Man Cutting Trees And Hunting On Earth Day

It turns out that the unrelenting insanity that I had hoped Glenn Beck might put on display on Teabag Day, he saved in reserve for Earth Day! On Beck's radio show, the host talked to some forest manager, who was going to be cutting down trees for some hunter. "This is like Nirvana here," he said, "This is not only going to hack off all the environmentalists but all the PETA people as well." (Nobody give Glenn a sad by telling him that environmentalists are actually okay with cutting down trees and sustainable forest management, okay?)

Anyway, this presented Beck with a cognitive challenge. What would happen if he was forced to keep two ideas - chopping down trees and shooting deer - in his head at the same time? In short order came the answer. "I need some Barry White music!" Beck exclaimed, "This is almost full-fledged light some candles! This is eroticism!" And for a minute there, you got the feeling like an epic talk-radio jeans-creaming was about to unfold.

Unfortunately, when the forest manager told Beck that he was just cutting down tiny "junk" Aspen trees and not mighty oaks, it was clear that the news was a total bonerkiller.

I hear it happens to lots of guys, Glenn. Maybe next time, you should just try to imagine yourself straight up WRECKING that deer corpse!

[LISTEN.]

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