07/17/2009 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Former Waterboarders Join The Ranks Of The Unemployed (And The Rest Of Your Scritti Politti)

Ahh, this recession. It's brought so many people so much misery, what with the rampant unemployment and the fact that we're all not eligible for TARP bailouts, for some reason. But I wonder who will spare a thought for the recently unemployed waterboarding experts? You've heard of James Mitchell and Bruce Jessen, right? One day, they're straight up dunking terrorists, to find ticking time bombs. The next, they're just like everyone else, hunting for a job!

The CIA has reportedly cut its ties to the two psychologists credited for being the architects of the CIA's brutal interrogation program after 9/11, a news report said yesterday. Dr. James Mitchell and Dr. Bruce Jessen, who suggested and supervised waterboarding at secret prisons around the world have been told their services are no longer needed. Mitchell and Jessen, according to their associates, boasted of being paid $1,000 a day by the CIA to oversee the use of the technique on top al Qaeda suspects.

Boasted! Hey, you would too! All that scrilla was "largely tax-free and did not include expenses, which the agency also paid for."

Nice work if you can get it, though you shouldn't be able to, because it's completely deranged!


Tax-free No-bid Cost-plus Government Contracts

CIA Renewed Contract With Psychologists Who Endorsed Waterboarding Weeks After Obama Took Office Before Firing Them

More Free Speech: Here's an alternative take on Frank Gaffney, from Michael Roston, that asks, "Frank Gaffney's entire body composed of flesh-eating locusts?" I have often found myself wondering this!

Guess What Media Organization Is Nearby!: At last, the secret Sarah Palin shrine at the New York Stock Exchange has been revealed!

Only Full Voting Rights Shall Assuage Their Fury: Apparently, nobody is safe in Washington, DC, because all the drivers are rage-soaked fever demons with a lead foot and nothing to lose. According to a drivers' survey, "Four percent of drivers admitted to slamming into another driver." WTF? What happened to Hope and Change? (ANSWER: The Beltway.)

Maybe That 4% Of Drivers Was Just Monica Conyers: No, she lives in Detroit, but it's sort of the same concept.

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