04/06/2010 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Someone Did Left vs. Right Poll On The Super Bowl, For Some Reason?

Political pollsters simply will not stop attempting to reduce everything in American life that we enjoy to a stupid left-vs.-right debate until we rise up as one, put them on ice floes and shove them off in the direction of Greenland with the warning that they will be repeatedly shot in the face if they attempt to return to these shores. The latest travesty: someone went out and did a poll on which voters are pulling for which team in Superbowl XLIV.

The poll was done by Public Policy Polling, and in the first sentence, they say:

In a time of increasing political polarization, even the Super Bowl is dividing Americans along party lines.

OH SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP. Can't we just enjoy this one thing?

Here are the findings:

A new Public Policy Polling national survey finds that 32% of voters in the country are rooting for the New Orleans Saints on Sunday, compared to 22% who prefer the Indianapolis Colts.

Democrats strongly prefer the Saints, by a 36-21 margin. But Republicans are narrowly going for the Colts, 26-25. Independents lean toward the Saints as well, 33-20.

Ugh. So, a significant number of people like the Saints, because people like underdogs, maybe? But! A significant number of people like the Colts, because they like winners? Also: there are people who reside in those cities who root for their team all the time?

I'd take a look at the number that doesn't show up here: the undecideds. If 32% of the people like New Orleans and 22% of the people like Indianapolis, that leaves 46% of the people undecided. You know what that means, don't you? If Indianapolis can make their case to the people, they could still pull out the New Hampshire Primary!

But what if the superdelegates prefer New Orleans? And what if the Colts are sleeping with Rielle Hunter? SO MUCH TO CONSIDER.

Anyway, maybe people should just try to decouple their love of football from the passions of their political ideologies. For a day. Just one day, OK?

To Greenland with you, Public Policy Polling!

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