06/24/2011 07:31 pm ET Updated Aug 24, 2011

Weekend Agenda: Gay Pride, Pop-Up Pianos, And Graveyard Theatre

For the poor, tired, or befuddled masses that have decided not to flee the city every weekend, you will find that NYC turns ghost-town, and you become its proud, ruling class. So go do a cartwheel in the streets, and then try our list of things to help you to take full advantage of your fair, fair kingdom.

"Pro Tools" @ The Whitney
What: A wry exhibit highlighting the flotsam of our digital life, done by the great hacker/artist Corey Arcangel.
Why: Here's a taste--a gallery of all sorts of virtual bowling games, all hacked to throw only gutter balls.
When: Friday 1PM-9PM, Saturday & Sunday 11AM-6PM
Where: Whitney Museum of American Art, 945 Madison Ave.; 212-570-3600

Play a Pop-up Piano
What: Pianos. Outside. For anyone to play for free.
Why: In what other city could this happen? Plus it's for a good cause.
When: Whenever you want.
Where: All over town.

World's Easiest Picnic
What: A picnic of fine things (cured meat, baguettes, fig jam) delivered to you and your sweet.
Why: Scientists have discovered that picnics greatly increase your chances of doing the beastly bump.*
When: Friday thru Sunday 11PM-8PM
Where: Anywhere, provided it's downtown, and there's a cinematic breeze blowing.

*This is in no way grounded in fact. The author is actually a scientist of L-O-V-E.

Graveyard Theatre: Spoon River Project
What: A nighttime play performed in the antique (totally creepy) Green-Wood Cemetery.
Why: You can get your culture and wonder if you're going to be murdered. At the same. Place.
When: Friday 8 PM, Sunday 3 PM (Saturday sold out) Get tickets here.
Where: Green-Wood Cemetery, 500 25th St., BK; 718-768-7300

Gay Pride March
What: A confetti of boas, drag queens, politicians, muscle-y near-nudes--and open-minded love for all.
Why: Because cheering for universal acceptance (and sodomy) gives even zombies the warm tingles.
When: Sunday, step-off at 12 PM
Where: Here's the parade route.

Archers of Loaf @ Webster Hall
What: An angular, punchy sound + witty, screaming lyrics+ an adventurous crowd.
Why: The bullish euphoria of good "Noise-Rock" is totally worth the hearing loss.
When: Sunday, 7 PM (tickets)
Where: Webster Hall, 125 E 11th St.; 212-353-1600