Have you picked up a copy of Dick Cheney's memoir, "In My Time" yet? If you live in the Washington, D.C. area we certainly hope not, otherwise your life is in immediate peril.
According to, oh, everyone who sits at a news desk, the Cheney memoir has the unfortunate side effect of causing a serious cranial problem in those who read it, particularly if they live in the nation's capital. We're not taking any chances, so we're slapping any copy we see to the ground and running away from it.
In case you are unaware of the severity of the threat, take a look at the compilation of news footage below. One thing is clear: Dick Cheney wants bad things to happen to you and he wrote the book that proves it.