09/06/2011 04:38 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

America Is The 'Coolest' Country, According To Survey, Whatever That Means

Reuters published an illegitimate-looking write-up today about how America is "seriously cool." Such are the results of a survey conducted by mysterious social networking site (publishers of the "Least Funny Nationality" and "Most Flirtatious Online" line of surveys), who polled 30,000 people across 15 nationalities for the results. There is no telling how cool these Badoo users are, but let us review their opinions, shall we?

  • America topped the list of coolest countries, followed by Brazil, Spain, Italy and France. Except for America, those are also the countries that topped 2009's super-scientific World's Best Lovers list.
  • The five uncoolest countries, from least to most are: Germans, Canadians, Turks, Poles and... Belgians? Perhaps the first five Google suggest terms after "Belgian" can shed some light. They are: "malinois," "waffle recipe," "shoes," "beer" and "shepherd," as in Belgian Shepherd dog. Sure there's an alcoholic beverage in there, but there are also two dog breeds.
  • To contrast, the first five Google search terms after "American": "airlines," "express," "eagle," "idol," "apparel." Land of the free, home of the brand names.
  • Americans, says Reuters "are the dudes who invented cool." Their evidence? Obama, Jay-Z and Snoop Dogg. The only white guy inventor of cool they list is Steve Jobs.
  • Argentineans are ranked above Russians but below Mexicans, taking the number nine spot. Sounds like North America is always winning!

So what's the takeaway? Sure, we're the coolest, but we should also, as they say, play it cool. As Reuters warns us with a minimal use of commas: "not all Americans are cool far from it." Reuters, btw, is both American-owned and hella cool.

WATCH a perfect storm of American coolness (preferably on a Mac):