09/19/2011 01:52 pm ET Updated Nov 19, 2011

Emmys 2011: The Biggest Moments (VIDEO)

As TV's biggest stars nurse their hangovers and the lucky ones shine their new gold friends, we the regulars must man the water-cooler. From Charlie Sheen's half-hearted apology to the genius of Michael Bolton in pirate mascara, we've got the SparkNotes version of last night's telecast for all you slackers. This time, please pay attention. TV is serious!