12/13/2011 03:34 pm ET Updated Dec 13, 2011

I Am So Not Sorry About My Vagina, And Other Apologies We Should Retract

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I'm sorry I looked at you while you were watching TV. I'm sorry I lowered the window. I'm sorry it's not organic. I'm sorry I got you so many Christmas presents. I'm sorry I cut my hair without asking you first. I'm sorry I applied to school. I'm sorry I wrote a book and didn't ask for your input. I'm sorry I said yes to that gig. I'm sorry I didn't get a higher grade. I'm sorry I gained all this weight. I'm sorry I lost all that weight. I'm sorry I sent two texts in a row, and I know this is the third one but I just want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't do coke. I'm sorry my vagina is so sensitive.

I'm sorry my vagina is so sensitive.

There's a moment at which every junkie hits rock bottom. I think that was mine.

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