Okay, Lindsay, okay, so I said, "What" on Christmas. People say "what" all the time. It's one of the more common words that PEOPLE SAY. Maybe if you were a PERSON you would KNOW that.
Anyway, here are some of the things Lindsay screwed up on Christmas:
- She burned the duck.
- She bought a duck and thought that it was a turkey.
- She burned the salad. Seriously, who does that? Burned. The. Salad.
- She nearly burned down the house. No, Lindsay, 'en papillote' does not mean wrap it in notebook paper and put it on the stove.
- She got me a "Seven Samurai" poster when clearly she knows my favorite Kurosawa movie is "Rashomon."
- When she opened her present, she looked at me, laughed, and then didn't say anything else.
- She ripped open her present like a starving giraffe hoovering the top of a tree. Just because you aren't into drunk Santa wrapping paper doesn't mean the rest of us aren't trying to recycle and save the rain forest.
- She used up all the hot water during her 2-hour-long bath.
- She played Celine Dion while she was in the bath and sang along.
- That night, as we lay in bed together, I put my arm around her. She pushed it off, still asleep.
- She actually burned a salad. She burned it. The salad.
A NOTE FROM HUFFPOST VALENTINE'S DAY EDITORS LINDSAY AND TODD, WHO BROKE UP THIS MORNING: We're not letting today's personal issues affect the quality content we bring you every Valentine's Day! Still, if you want to know exactly how
Todd Lindsay messed up, we are keeping a liveblog.