09/14/2012 02:42 pm ET

Give And Take Marriage Isn't What It's Cracked Up To Be

Marriage is all about equal amounts of give and take, right?

According to Karl Pillemer, a professor of human development at Cornell University, it's not.

"When you begin to keep score in a long term relationship, treating the relationship like a vending machine: 'I insert a dollar and get back a candy bar,' you may already be in trouble," he said on HuffPost Live Thursday.

Pillemer joined host Alicia Menendez to discuss his recent Huffington Post blog post called "The Myth Of A 50-50 Marriage." His post described one woman who said marriage is more of a 90-10 split: depending on the relationship and the issue, spouses trade off who's the 90 and who's the 10.

Other HuffPost Live guests agreed. TV producer Lee Aronson also likened marriage to paddling a canoe.

"Sometimes you're in the back and you're paddling, and the other person's steering, and then you get tired of that and you switch places and the other person paddles and you steer," he said with his wife, Lisa Haisha, at his side. "If we have fights, I think it's just a matter of who's going to be paddling on any particular day."

Marriage counselor Dr. Jane Greer added that many couples come to her complaining of "not getting my fair share." She said couples who used the "If you love me, you would" line with each other start to harbor resentment for their partner.

Watch the segment above to see the full discussion.

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