10/17/2012 11:13 am ET

I Went To A Tantric Sex Class And All I Got Was Awkward Dry-Humping

“We aren’t gonna, like, simulate sex, are we?” My friend Jeff asked me.

"Don’t be gross. Obviously, I wouldn’t invite you to something like that,” I responded, disturbed.

Cut to a week later and I’m grinding on Jeff’s boner in a room full of strangers being told to “breathe hard” by a woman with a microphone.

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