Stephen Colbert announced to his live studio audience around 11:30 on Tuesday that President Obama had won reelection, as "CNN projected that Animal Planet had predicted."
Proclaiming that we had finally elected the nation's first black president "for a first second time," Colbert pointed out that America had obviously made an unforgivable error in doing so.
"We tried to warn you about this guy," Colbert opined. He rattled off the reasons Obama's reelection was a mistake, comparing America to an "easy lay."
"All you have to do is show up in a nice suit, give her free healthcare, save the auto industry and kill bin Laden, and that old girl will put out," Stephen said.
Check out the full clip above, which was taped live as the election results were still coming in.