11/15/2012 08:52 am ET Updated Jan 15, 2013

It's Come To This: You Can Get Rewards Just For Not Texting During A Movie Now

Hey all you IDIOT KIDS. Don't text during a movie. Don't do look at your phone. Don't touch it. Don't even think about it. That's just basic common fucking courtesy you halfwit assholes. But because we're horrible creatures that can't resist checking Instagram once every 15 minutes, Cinemark will reward you for leaving your phone alone during a movie. It's as if the Justice Department started giving tax breaks to people who don't commit murder.

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