11/19/2012 05:19 pm ET Updated Nov 20, 2012

White House Petition Seeks To Stop All The White House Petitions

WASHINGTON -- Just days ago, the White House "We The People" online petition tool became the venue of sour grape-chewing secession enthusiasts, who took to the website to ask that their states be allowed to secede for reasons that ranged from "the local government of Mobile, Ala., took away my topless carwash" to "I didn't realize that going along with what a majority of voters wanted in a presidential election was part of the deal" to "everybody else is doing it."

It was not the most august period for the little-heralded online petition thingy. As you might imagine, natural consequences have followed in the form of a petitioner petitioning to stop all of the petitions, titled "Shut down White House petitions, since they never get a sincere response, few read them, and they are ultimately worthless:"

Since the White House never actually responds to any petitions in sincerity (like letting the one man whose job it is to oppose marijuana to respond to the marijuana legalization initiative, or having the head of the TSA respond to why we can't de-fund the TSA) we should immediately de-fund and dismantle the White House petition website.

In recent days it has become a mockery with petitions for secession from almost every state, and cities wishing to de-secede in such events.

We ask Barack Obama to admit that this is a mockery of democratic process and immediately dissolve this joke of a website.

As of this writing, the petition still needed 24,629 signatures in order to get the White House to consider this ironic request.

[Hat tip: Dave Weigel]

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Secession Attempts