11/26/2012 01:26 pm ET Updated Nov 26, 2012

'Happy Endings' Star Adam Pally Talks 'Jerking Off' & His Huge Nightstand For HuffPost's #nofilter

These days, our knowledge of celebrities too often originates with paparazzi images and snarky quotes by anonymous "insiders." After a while, it's easy to forget that stars are real people. That's why HuffPost Celebrity decided to launch its all-new #nofilter quick-fire question and answer series. Because how well do you know someone until they've shared their guiltiest pleasures?

A dude's dude, who's incidentally into dudes on his hit ABC show "Happy Endings," Adam Pally is certainly not a dead ringer for his small-screen character -- but he's not necessarily a far cry from the serial goofball either. Here, Pally talks living the "Shmutz Life" and his awkward "me time" ritual.

What's your guiltiest pleasure?
Online shopping. I drunkenly or highly will buy shit I have no need for and packages show up at the house. My wife is like, why do you need a James Perse Tee Pee in the backyard?

If you were on death row, what would your last meal be?
Roscoe’s chicken and waffles, extra butter, extra syrup, extra grits.

How did you get on death row?
Bernie Madoff-style pyramid scheme involving improv classes.

What shows are always on your DVR?
"Louie," "Parks and Recreation," "House Hunters."

If you were on a reality show, what would it be called?
"Shmutz Life."

Have you ever stolen anything?
Yes, many things from T-shirts to money to parts to cadences. I'm a thief.

What's your dating deal-breaker?
Depends who am I taking out -- my wife or side bitches?

What's your go-to excuse?

What's one thing you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of someone else?
Sing and dance in the mirror, then jerk off ... In the mirror.

What's on your nightstand?
A lot of chargers, a watch winder, an empty glass that smells like Don Julio 1951, a dirty diaper, half-empty bottle, my glasses and a half-downed sparkling water from the middle of the night ... I have a huge nightstand.

If failure weren't an option, what's one thing you would do?
Not going to lie, I'm confused by the phrasing of this question, which should answer it as well.

How do you feel about scooped-out bagels?
Just eat the bagel. Who cares? We're all going to die.

Who's your ideal drinking buddy, living or dead?
My wife when she's not pregnant. When she's pregnant and drinking, she can be kind of a wet blanket.

What happens in your recurring dream?
I'm guest hosting "The Late Show" with a boner I can't hide.

If you could ask Kim Kardashian one question, what would it be?
Introduce me to Kourtney?



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