12/04/2012 10:49 am ET

A Field Guide To ‘Nice Guys'

The good news is: feminism happened, so men don't get to just run around slapping our asses with impunity anymore. The bad news is that now that overtly piggish behavior is heavily, heavily socially discouraged, there's a subset of men who resort to less overt means when they want to act like jerks. Meet the Nice Guy.

When using the phrase 'Nice Guys' with a capital NG, I don't mean a man who happens to be a genuinely kind person. Hooray for kind, caring, conscientious people! I mean the sort of Guy who has declared himself to be Nice, and thus deserving of positive (usually sexual) attention from the female of his choice, upon whom he has often projected an elaborate fantasy of perfection and willingness that rarely has anything to do with the subject's actual feelings or desires. When a Nice Guy is romantically rejected by a woman he wants, he lashes out at her, wondering why that dumb cunt won't go out with him. After all, he has been Nice!

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