12/14/2012 12:54 pm ET

Christmas Trees And Toddlers: A Guide

Morning Readers,

Those of you who came to see if I left any PopTarts alive after breakfast this morning can leave. They're gone. They didn't put up a fight. They were delicious, slathered in nothing but the hope that all the calories evaporated, before they engaged my ever-flagging metabolism in one of the saddest duels in all of mankind's history.

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