I have never had an orgasm. Ever. Not by man, machine, or mine own hand.
You know those women's magazine articles about “How To Have 20 Multiple Orgasms” and “I Had A Spontaneous Orgasm At Church!” and “How To Have A Blended Orgasm While Spinning Plates On A Stick?” Every time I read one, I find myself cursing you spoiled bitches, with all your fancy sexual experiences. Is this crazy shit what women aspire to? Are they so bored with the mundane, everyday orgasm that they need one with bells and whistles and blending? Where is my article on how to have ONE measly orgasm?