02/22/2013 01:03 pm ET

The 13 Most Meaningless Platitudes Of Social Media Week 2013

Social Media Week is a conference in which people with a lot of Twitter followers brag about how many Twitter followers they have to a room full of people with fewer Twitter followers, and the annual weeklong event's fifth year was as successful as ever.

Participants in 26 countries, all of which have been visited by Tom Friedman, held forth at events ranging from "Giving Gangnam Style: An Ideathon with the #GivingTuesday Team," to "SoLoCo: Is Using "Social" To Drive Local Commerce Insane?" to "Amplifying Impact Through Openness and Collaboration" -- and this, folks, is just from the New York conference; this doesn't even mention the panel in Lagos on something called "Smartvertising."

As you might imagine, much of what is said at at Social Media Week is totally incomprehensible. Below, we've collected some of our favorite platitudes and aphorisms that not only actual people spoke out loud, but that other people then tweeted out to the world. #Enjoy, and #remember to #retweet and #repin and #regoogleplus if you #enjoyed this #article.

For more, follow Fake Jeff Jarvis on Twitter.