An Open Letter of Resignation From Sideboob

An Open Letter of Resignation From Sideboob
NEW YORK, NY - MAY 07: NEW YORK, NY - MAY Gwyneth Paltrow attends the 'Schiaparelli And Prada: Impossible Conversations' Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art on May 7, 2012 in New York City. (Photo by Kevin Mazur/WireImage)
NEW YORK, NY - MAY 07: NEW YORK, NY - MAY Gwyneth Paltrow attends the 'Schiaparelli And Prada: Impossible Conversations' Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art on May 7, 2012 in New York City. (Photo by Kevin Mazur/WireImage)

I recently met with Sideboob about the current state of its career. Looking a little melancholy, Sideboob simply said, "I can't do this anymore," and asked me to relay this announcement to the public.

From the desk of Sideboob

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Dear Media, Internet, and connoisseurs of famous breasts,

I would like to inform you that I am resigning from my position as "a thing," effective immediately.

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