07/12/2013 05:18 pm ET Updated Sep 11, 2013

HUFFPOST HILL - Napolitano Tired Of Rifling Through America's Luggage

Janet Napolitano is stepping down from the Department of Homeland Security and taking her lifetime supply of mouthwash, tweezers and switchblades to California. Because Harry Reid hated having to "eat shit" while George W. Bush was president, it will no longer take three-fifths of the Senators duly chosen and sworn to make Mitch McConnell eat shit. And a majority of Americans blame Republicans in Congress for Washington gridlock while a majority of Republicans in Congress really couldn't care less. This is HUFFPOST HILL for Friday, July 12th, 2013:

POLL: MORE BLAME GOP FOR LEGISLATIVE GRIDLOCK - Ariel Edwards-Levy: "Half of American voters think congressional Republicans are causing gridlock by refusing to support presidential initiatives, but there's plenty of blame to go around for both parties, according to a poll released Friday by Quinnipiac University. A 51 percent majority said that Washington's gridlock was mainly because 'Republicans in Congress are determined to block any President Obama initiative,' while 35 percent attributed it to 'President Obama [lacking] the personal skills to convince leaders of Congress to work together.' But 64 percent said both Democrats and Republicans were at fault, while 23 percent specifically blamed the Republicans, and 10 percent the Democrats. Voters also wanted to see the president and congressional Republicans come to a compromise. Fifty-three percent said Obama was doing too little to work with Congress on important issues, while 68 percent said GOP legislators were compromising too little with Obama." [HuffPost]

Texas update: State troopers are confiscating tampons, maxi pads and other potential projectiles from those who are entering the Texas capitol to watch the debate and vote on a controversial anti-abortion bill. Guns, however, which are typically permitted in the state capitol, are still being allowed." When you're confiscating tampons, how do you determine if someone's a smuggler? [HuffPost]

If you thought the North Carolina motorcycle safety bill with an anti-abortion amendment attached to it was weird, check out this list of bills with incongruous abortion amendments.

DAILY DELANEY DOWNER - What's it like living on food stamps aside from crab legs, steaks and cakes whenever you want? Here's one example: "After two hospitalizations in May I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. One of my prescribed medications costs more than my monthly income. This set of circumstances forced me to apply for food stamps. I receive a monthly allotment of $112. I am grateful to receive this assistance. Breakfast consists of an oatmeal /applesauce/ skim milk/ egg custard which provides 195 calories, 4 grams of fat 31 grams of carbohydrate and 9.5 grams of protein. Lunch is 1 oz. Of reduced fat string cheese, a 5 oz. can of v8 juice and 1 oz. of pretzel sticks. Lunch provides 215 calories 4.5 grams of fat, 23 grams of carbohydrate and 12 grams of protein. Dinner is either a clear broth to which protein and noodles are added or a pre packaged reduced-calorie meal. My fourth and last meal of the day consists of pretzel sticks or another serving of the oatmeal dish I had for breakfast. This food plan accommodates the requirements of a low fiber diet for the Crohn's and provides me with 40 grams of protein daily which meets the international standard for a female of my age. The calories provided will result in a weight loss which is desirable for me but would not be appropriate for a child or anyone whose goal was not weight loss. I have yet to stretch this $112 budget to last an entire month. The lack of fresh fruit and vegetables accommodates the Crohn's disease but again would not be appropriate for an otherwise healthy individual. This assistance is helpful but certainly not adequate to provide for the complete nutritional requirements for one person."

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NAPOLITANO STEPPING DOWN FROM DHS - America's naked X-ray csar is calling it a day. LA Times: "Janet Napolitano, the U.S. secretary of Homeland Security and former governor of Arizona, is being named as the next president of the University of California system, in an unusual choice that brings a national-level politician to a position usually held by an academic, The Times has learned. Her appointment also means the 10-campus system will be headed by a woman for the first time in its 145-year history. Napolitano's nomination by a committee of UC regents came after a secretive process that insiders said focused on her early as a high-profile, although untraditional, candidate who has led large public agencies and shown a strong interest in improving education. UC officials believe that her Cabinet experiences -- which include helping to lead responses to hurricanes and tornadoes and overseeing some anti-terrorism measures -- will help UC administer its federal energy and nuclear weapons labs and aid its federally funded research in medicine and other areas." [LA Times]

ONE TIME, HARRY REID HAD TO CONSUME EXCREMENT; NOW HE HAS STRONG OPINIONS ABOUT FILIBUSTER REFORM - And the only thing that the Senate majority leader can cleanse his palate with is someone to lead the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. Politico: "In a closed-door caucus meeting Thursday, Reid began by apologizing to his colleagues for cutting bipartisan deals to avert the nuclear option, including at the beginning of this year. And the Nevada Democrat complained that he allowed votes on scores of conservative nominees under former President George W. Bush after a bipartisan coalition headed off the nuclear option in 2005. But Reid said it had been the right thing to do because Bush had won a second term in the White House. Now, Reid argued, times have changed. 'I ate sh-- on some of those nominees,' Reid told his colleagues, according to sources who were present. On Thursday, the Senate continued to inch closer to a battle that could have dramatic implications for the institution. 'I don't know how you open that door and not go to the next level. First, it's executive nominations, next thing it'll be judicial nominations, then it will be legislative filibusters,' said South Dakota Sen. John Thune, the No. 3 Senate Republican. 'The precedent they set here will be not only long-lasting but far-reaching.'" [Politico]

We tend to trust Politico's reporting on the "shit" comment, since Reid said this on the Senate floor the same day: "We put people on that DC circuit you had to gag to vote for."

@Team_Mitch: Do you think that #Sharknado could take on the Obamacare Red Tape Tower? RT and let us know! pic.twitter.com/fb5nGuGHe4

FAT OLD SEXIST WHITE GUY WANTS TO RUN THE FED - "Former U.S. Treasury Secretary Lawrence Summers is indicating to President Barack Obama's Wall Street supporters that he wants to become Federal Reserve chairman, according to people familiar with the matter, as he keeps in touch with senators who would vote on the nomination." What could go wrong? [Bloomberg]

EDWARD SNOWDEN TRYING TO GET FROM OPPRESSIVE PLACE A TO OPPRESSIVE PLACE B - Luke Johnson: "Edward Snowden, the NSA leaker, wants to apply for asylum in Russia until he can be guaranteed safe transit to Latin America, according to Tanya Lokshina of Human Rights Watch, who met with Snowden in the transit zone of Moscow's Sheremetyevo Airport Friday. Wikileaks also released a statement, said to be from Snowden, in which he accepted all of his current and future offers of asylum and asked for safe passage. "I ask for your assistance in requesting guarantees of safe passage from the relevant nations in securing my travel to Latin America, as well as requesting asylum in Russia until such time as these states accede to law and my legal travel is permitted," Wikileaks quoted Snowden as saying. "I will be submitting my request to Russia today, and hope it will be accepted favorably." Bolivia, Venezuela and Nicaragua have offered Snowden asylum; but it remains extremely difficult to fly to those places without crossing U.S. or Western European airspace." [HuffPost]

DOJ's leak guidelines have been... leaked: "Attorney General Eric Holder's new guidelines on criminal leak investigations involving members of the media would prevent the FBI from labeling reporters as co-conspirators, according to details leaked to Reuters and The New York Times by an unnamed Justice Dept. official. The guidlines would also make it more difficult for prosecutors to obtain a journalist's telephone records without informing them of the subpoena, according to the Justice Dept. official, who said the guidelines went "as far as the department can go on its own until Congress passes the media shield legislation." [Politico]

SCOTT BROWN WISHES HE HAD WAGED A MEANER CAMPAIGN AGAINST MASSACHUSETTS' FIRST NATIVE AMERICAN SENATOR - Looking back, we're also not sure why Brown didn't play up his close personal relationships with kings and queens, with whom he met daily. Boston Globe: "Brown, who rocketed into the national spotlight with a 2010 upset victory before losing his seat last year to Democrat Elizabeth Warren, blamed the GOP's inability to hang together and the Democrats' sophisticated turnout operation for his ouster from the Senate...Noting that he had lost Massachusetts by 8 percentage points while former governor Mitt Romney lost the state by 23 points, Brown said he wished Romney had been 'more active in the state.' And he expressed regret that his campaign's efforts to depict Warren as dishonest in describing her heritage had not proved more effective. 'I was a little surprised that people didn't take into consideration her character flaws more,' he said." [Boston Globe]

BECAUSE YOU'VE READ THIS FAR - Here is a goat eating a fancy meal.

IT'S OFFICIALLY THE YEAR OF THE DISGRACED LAWMAKER COMEBACK - John Celock: "Call it the week of gubernatorial comebacks. Former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey (D), who resigned in 2004 after admitting to an affair and coming out as gay, is taking a cabinet post in his state's second-largest city. Jersey City Mayor Steve Fulop (D) announced Friday that McGreevey will be joining his administration as executive director of the Jersey City Employment and Training Commission, the Jersey Journal reported. The move comes days after former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer (D), who resigned in 2007 after a prostitution scandal, announced his bid for New York City comptroller. Jersey City lies across the Hudson River from Manhattan. " [HuffPost]


- Thanks to the Shine-o-Matic, you can quickly type of your own insane "The Shining"-style manuscript. [http://bit.ly/12rnyjG]

- DARPA built what is, in essence, a Terminator. It can't travel back in time to kill Sarah Connor, however. [http://bit.ly/179ajUN]

- Eat your heart out, Da Vinci, here's a bicycle-powered helicopter. [http://bit.ly/15B568Z]

- According to the New Yorker, frozen s'mores are the new cronuts. [http://nyr.kr/1bv11G6]

- 'YOLO' is now the subject of one of Tufts University's application essays. [http://bit.ly/1buKFgI]

- Twenty-five photos of bodega cats. [http://bit.ly/1ah4vu9]

- Someone proposed a new symbol to replace "the." [http://chzb.gr/174QuxO]


@RealSheriffJoe: With 50 yrs exp, think Obama will call me for DHS post? I was DEA chief Turkey, Mexico, L. America & TX - AZ borders! pic.twitter.com/8XdPQstV5M

@mollyesque: Merchandising idea: HIZZONER MR. MAYO: VINCENT GRAYONNAISE

@delrayser: A sharknado, but without sharks. #AspenIdeas

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