07/25/2013 11:01 am ET

Stop Telling Me How I'm Supposed To Be In My Thirties


Being in your thirties is, without a doubt, one million times better than being in your twenties. Being in your twenties is almost the worst thing to be. Not only have you forgotten how to have fun without booze, but you no longer have the comfy cushion of parental financial support, you have to cook for yourself (and by "cook" I mean heat up a can of ravioli), and your teenage metabolism is gone forever. (Miss you, Two Cheeseburger Meal).

Burdened with the task of both survival and trying to figure out what you want to do with your life, all while drunk on vodka and Gatorade, is mostly terrible and fruitless.

During my early twenties, I was angry, confused, and broke. I had no direction or focus and the only way I could figure to feel good about myself was via male attention which, as we all know (or will learn someday), is fleeting. I had no idea who I was and therefore couldn’t be expected to like myself very much. You couldn't pay me to do my twenties over again.

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