09/04/2013 11:41 am ET Updated Nov 04, 2013

I'm An Alcoholic Dude With An Eating Disorder. Hi.


Turns out, I'm an alcoholic. Hoorayfuckshit. It took me 31 years to figure this out because I may not be good at drinking, but I am GREAT at denial.

I don't have too many horror stories. Maybe that's why it took so long. Blacked out a few times. Thought about drinking every day. I had a dream last night I relapsed and woke up shaking. So that was pretty sweet. But no families were ruined, or lives lost. For example, I'm not writing this because a court ordered me to, but as life has it, I can never have a drink again.

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