09/17/2013 01:19 pm ET Updated Nov 17, 2013

Please Don't Thank Me For Loving My Wife


I write about radical issues for mainstream publishers, so, in addition to dancing around to put LGBT issues in cis-straight-friendly terms, I face a mile-high stack of hate mail on a daily basis. My wife is transgender, and, according to the angry mobs of keyboard warriors, this means that I am a pervert, that we are both going to Hell, and that we are guilty of abuse for raising a child together. But through all the negative comments, hateful emails, and long-distance threats, I get an occasional positive message, and it's almost always, uncomfortably, "Thank you."

Many, many people thank me for being with my wife, for accepting her the way she is, and for being "brave" enough to accompany her through the not-so-pleasant aspects of being trans in America. I get two or three emails a week from trans* people thanking me for loving my wife, telling me that they hope they can someday find partners as "wonderful" and "accepting" as I am. I've gotten several near-identical emails from my readers who playfully ask, "Can I clone you?" or "Do you happen to have a sister who's just like you?"

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