10/17/2013 08:11 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Embarrassed By Congress? Here's Where You Can Ride Out The Next Sh*tstorm

In a twisted way, the government shutdown was almost fun-- it gave the American people a rallying point, a mutual interest, something to communally gripe about that isn't called Miley Cyrus.

But the shutdown honeymoon is over, people. Yesterday, the House passed the Continuing Appropriations Act, President Obama signed it this morning, and the government is back to "normal" (if you can call it such). Without this magical turn of events, though, we would've hit the debt ceiling, and things would have gotten so very real. While pondering that alternative outcome, we started to lay out out our options of escape.

We had nearly 16 days of the shutdown, so here are 16 places to consider running off to if this when this happens again.

1. Reed Flute Cave, China

Nearly 800 feet beneath the Earth's surface, "twinkling glow worms" are pretty much the only signs of life. Have you ever seen a "twinkling glow worm" refuse to pass a funding bill? Didn't think so.


2. The Sahara Desert

Because that is where fennec foxes live. Fennec foxes are the absolute cutest. And when you are in trying times, it helps to hug something that is the absolute cutest.

fennec fox

3. Ransvik, Sweden

Celebrities began escaping to this hidden beach long before things in Washington took a turn. If you find the images on CNN disturbing, try a view of “Richard Gere swimming naked with a mystery Swedish woman.”


4. Canada

Like seriously. When has anything ever gone wrong in Canada.


5. Cape York Peninsula, Australia

This place is so remote that some areas have been observed only from helicopters. We’re not exactly sure what the tribes are doing down there, but we’re guessing they don’t have a debt ceiling.


6. Aarhus, Denmark

Aaurhus is supposed to have some pretty good seafood, and Forbes named Denmark's constitutional monarchy the Best Government in the World because it’s such a darn pleasant operation. For goodness sake, their government group shot looks more like a fun senior class photo than a state-sponsored portrait.


7. Milan, Italy

This is one of the planet's best shopping cities. Why not hit your spending limit? Our government did.

milan shopping

8. Hong Kong

This "administrative region" has, ahem, the most efficient healthcare in the world.


9. Uncontacted Panoan tribe settlement, Brazil-Peru border

When you become the first Western human to visit these jungle huts, you won’t have to be embarrassed you’re from America. Nobody here knows what that is.


10. Disney’s Eastbound Transatlantic Cruise

The government spontaneously took two weeks off without asking its boss, and you should too.


11. Antarctica

There’s basically nobody down there. Just penguins. And we’re decently sure you could elect a more efficient Senate than ours from a ballot of solely penguins.


12. Costa Rica

The Global Peace Index gave this little country a score of 1 for “Political Instability,” meaning its government is one of the world's least likely to topple. It’s also got some sweet waves, dude.


13. Banyan Tree Spa in Phuket, Thailand

You have worried about our government, and you have worried long and hard. Reward yourself with a massage.


14. Castle Combe, England

The population of this village is literally smaller than the population of Congress itself, meaning there scientifically cannot be any issues as big as ours.


15. Fiordland National Park, New Zealand

At one of the most fantastic forests in the world, you can befriend the planet's only flightless parrot species. Gorgeous hikes and cloud-shrouded islands will make you forget all about America's troubles.

fiordland national park

16. Ibiza

As George W. Bush probably once said, “When times are rough, just go party.”




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