Adult life can be really hard. You are generally expected to go to work. You frequently have to smile and make polite conversation with people before you've had coffee. For some of us, commuting involves being stuffed into a metal tube with 200 other people, while you barrel through underground tunnels at a speed beyond your control. People frown on eating gummy bears or leftover mashed potatoes for breakfast. And, on top of all of this, you have to decipher which other human adults to trust all on your own.
We're here to help. There are some tell-tale signs that your dining companion is a highly untrustworthy human, who you should regard with caution and total suspicion. You don't have to thank us, we just want to help.