11/30/2013 10:35 am ET

Women Are Hard Wired To Feel Bad About Being Sluts, Says Suspect Study

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A new study claims that women are HARD WIRED regret casual sex whereas men are HARD WIRED to think random sex is great. This isn't because civilizations place high value on controlling female sexuality and humans are social creatures with an aversion to ostracization; this is because of SCIENCE. HARD WIRED SCIENCE.

The research, published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior does uncover some interesting stats about who says they regret sex (note the difference between people who say they regret sex and people who actually regret sex, since relying on people to self-report feelings in a way that completely isolates the feelings a person actually feels versus a the feelings a person feels like they're supposed isn't necessarily, you know, reliable). According to the research, which surveyed over 24,000 people, when it comes to sex, hetero women most often regret losing their virginity to the wrong partner (ugh), infidelity, and having sex with a new partner too fast. In contrast, hetero men regretted not having sex enough; their top three self-reported sexual regrets were being too shy to make a move, not having enough sex when they were young, and not having enough sex before they were married. Researchers found that even gay and lesbian respondents followed similar patterns of regret.