12/13/2013 10:09 am ET

Help: I'm A People-Pleaser, And I Hate It

Alfred Gescheidt via Getty Images

Let me explain how I wound up with a kid. I was talking to this woman — I’ll call her Bangs, because she had great hair — at a party. Because she has cool hair, writes funny essays, and was brazenly smoking pot through a personal vaporizer at a swanky fashion party, I wanted her to think I was equally interesting. So there I was, desperately trying to relate, while she talked about her real, living child, and how stressful it was to be a parent in the Internet age. As I tried to form non-boring thoughts and sentences, I could see that Bangs didn’t care. She was scanning for a conversational exit. Until this moment:

Bangs: I mean, it’s absurd that my toddler can use an iPad.

Me: Oh, I know, totally. I worry so much for kids.

Bangs: Oh! You have kids?

Me: Oh … Yes!

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