01/02/2014 10:44 pm ET Updated Jan 23, 2014

Vintage Salad Recipes That Make Healthy Eating Impossible

Hey, My Mom Used To Make That

Once we've eaten and boozed our way through Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's, it's only natural that by the time we get to the beginning of January many us have resolved to eat healthier. We don't just want to get in better shape, we're actually desperate for the taste of fresh fruits and vegetables.

With the holidays behind us, a salad starts to look a lot better than a plate of fries. Unless of course, you're looking at vintage salad recipes. Then, you might want to run and hide.

Vintage recipes are always pushing the limit with culinary experimentation -- like with this Jell-O dish topped with shrimp frosting -- and they usually make us glad that we didn't have to live through their era. But with recipes as simple as salads, we were sure that nothing could screw them up, not even vintage. We couldn't have been more wrong. And usually, mayonnaise was to blame.

Behold, the worst salad recipes that history has to offer.

  • Deviled Lettuce Salad
    Hey, My Mom Used To Make That!
    We're pretty sure this recipe was created by Satan.
  • Peach Blossom Salad
    Chronically Vintage
    Nothing says "fresh" like a salad covered in canned peaches.
  • Party Potato Salad
    Hey, My Mom Used To Make That!
    The gelatin-mayo glaze that covers this potato salad loaf makes us question all that is good in this world.
  • Tropic Topknot Salads
    Hey, My Mom Used To Make That!
    Listen guys, fruit and mayonnaise is never a good idea. Ever.
  • Cottage Cheese And Kidney Bean Salad
    My Mink Betty
    If the combination of the two main ingredients hasn't yet made your stomach turn, let's throw in some French dressing, cabbage and MILK.
  • Cranberry Candle Salad
    Retro Planet
    Because we all want to eat a salad in an "elegant candle shape," right?
  • Super Supper Salad Loaf
    Hey, My Mom Used To Make That!
    We barely made it past the 1/2 pound piece of bologna in this ingredient list, and we stopped cold as soon as gelatin entered the picture.
  • Creamy Fruit Salad Dressing
    Recipe Curio
    Here's the secret to ruining fruit forever: mayonnaise, sour cream and corn syrup.
  • Man-Pleaser Salads
    Etsy: CookbookMaven
    We will never think of salads the same way again thanks to this book's sexual innuendos.
  • Mixed Vegetable Jell-O Salad
    Click Americana
    We've seen enough Jell-O salads in our life to tolerate the concept, but mixed vegetable Jell-O flavor is an idea we will never get behind.

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