Food & DrinkTaste toastertoasters

Someone Invented A Vagina Toaster, So All You Other Toaster People Can Go Home (PHOTO)

So... we suppose all you other toaster innovators can just go home now.
By 

Co-Owner and Sandwich Pusher at Pop+Dutch

So, there is this novelty toaster company called Burnt Impressions, right? One day, their team of developers was sitting in a meeting, looking -- I can only assume -- at hard toaster demographics data. Their angle in the toaster game at Burnt Impressions is the kind of novelty toaster that burns or brands an image of something onto your bread as it toasts. Toasters like these have started to pop up in every motif imaginable, from "#1 DAD" to Hello Kitty.

Now, in this Burnt Impressions meeting -- I can only assume -- someone asked how they could tackle new markets and reach a new, novelty-toasting audience. It was at this moment -- I can only assume -- that some brave, forward-thinking toaster engineer finally spoke up. "I think I've got it," he said with the kind of trepidation only brilliance can trigger. "What if we make our next toaster... a vagina toaster."

vagina toaster

That's right, that was the day someone invented The Vagina Toaster. Maybe no one in this meeting shouted out what we first thought when we heard the words "vagina" and "toaster" combined together: "WTF, that sounds like it toasts vaginas." Apparently, no one shouted out our second thought either, "Wait, is the toaster shaped like a vagina?" They just knew what that brave-hearted engineer meant, and they went to work building it.

Lest you think that said vagina-printing toaster would alert you to its singular purpose from its appearance, take a look at the product shot.

vagina toaster 2

In fact, this could be any kind of toaster. It could print #1 DAD. It could print Daffy Duck. It could -- and I know this sounds crazy -- just make fu**ing toast. Maybe that's the magic of The Vagina Toaster. It, as I'm sure its engineers regard actual vaginas, is enigmatic and secretive. You think it will work one way, but then it works another way. And of course, it's available in a variety of colors.

If you just read through this and felt immediately compelled to order The Vagina Toaster, you can get one on Amazon. If not, you probably have a vagina and a toaster already, and would prefer to keep them separate.

[via Incredible Things]

Want to read more from HuffPost Taste? Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Related

Taste toastertoasters

Before You Go

Brass Knuckles Meat Tenderizer
Amazon
Yeah, definitely. Nothing says "I have street cred" like tenderizing your meat with a pair of brass knuckles.
GrillComb
Fusionbrands
The GrillComb's claim to usefulness: "Keeps food from spinning while cooking." Ah yes, finally an answer to the "food spinning epidemic."It's probably pretty exciting the first time you pick one of these up and scatter your grill with individual pieces of food.
Creme Brulee On The Grill
The Tool Wizard
The directions for this product are hilarious. Cook the creme brulee "according to a recipe," then heat this metal plate on your grill and caramelize each custard individually. Just buy a torch, you guys! They got invented for a reason!
Grill Sergeant Apron
Perpetual Kid
This is a neat trick: giving the gift of a tool that makes the person you are giving the gift to look like a tool. Also, who doesn't want a six pack of beer strapped to their chest while they lean over a grill?
Ham Dogger
Kitchen Art
The Ham Dogger turns hamburger meat into a hot dog. How this product improves upon rolling your ground beef into logs by hand, we have not deciphered. Do we need to even make fun of this? Just don't do this. Please.
Personalized Leather Apron & Gloves Set
GrillingGifts.com
What are you, welding? Don't worry, dad, you're the only one in the house who wants to wear leather gloves for grilling -- you don't have to put your name on them. Go flip my cheeseburger, weirdo.
Patio Bistro® Infrared Electric Grill
Brookstone
Char-Broil wants to make sure you can grill even in places where you "aren't allowed to grill." So they invented a glorified hot plate with ridges that's shaped like a grill. The guys in the picture look like they're pretty psyched about it, though.
Meatball Grill Basket
The amazing thing about all of these stupid grilling tools, is that they are firmly rooted in just how lazy we can be. Grilled meatballs sound awesome, but is it really that taxing to just turn them one by one? The world has been done a service in that these are no longer available on Williams-Sonoma's website.
Motorized Grill Brush With Steam Cleaning Power
Brookstone
Okay. What exactly are you grilling? Paint? Do you really need the brushes to rotate for you? Did you know that this uses eight AA batteries? Just oil up an onion like the rest of us and move on!
Reel Roaster
Perpetual Kid
The only way we'll be able to move on with our day and find peace, is if you assure us that no one has ever purchased one of these. Here's how the Reel Roaster works: stab your hot dog/marshmallow/whatever onto the end of the antenna and crank the reel to rotate the skewer. Or just, you know, use a coat hanger like the rest of us have for eternity.
Bear Claw Meat Shredder/Lifter
Sur La Table
But meat shredders already exist! They're called hands! And forks! If you are barbecuing anything tough enough that it requires giant metal hands to shred -- you're doing it wrong.
UFO BBQ Cover
BBQ Zoo
For only $10, you and your UFO BBQ Cover can let your neighbors know that you had nothing better to do with those $10.
Grill Clips
Sur La Table
These Sur La Table Grill Clips are a great way crush delicate pieces of food before you serve them to your guests. Also, we bet these are really fun to try to open, hot off the grill.
Quirky Sliders Skewers
Target
Are you really taxed by sliding food off your skewer with a fork? Here -- put a piece of plastic on the grill next to your food and see if it melts before you get your zucchini.
Barbecue Tool And Accessory Organizer Stand
4TheGrill
Having trouble keeping your BBQ tools organized? Strap an unstable, top-heavy rack onto a BBQ filled with hot charcoal. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
|
Submit a tip

Popular in the Community

Close

HuffPost Shopping’s Best Finds

MORE IN LIFE