COMEDY
02/07/2014 03:36 pm ET Updated Feb 08, 2014

28 Places That Would Have Made A Better Olympic Location Than Sochi

SOCHI, RUSSIA - FEBRUARY 07:  Snowflakes transform into four Olympic rings with one failing to form during the Opening Ceremo
SOCHI, RUSSIA - FEBRUARY 07: Snowflakes transform into four Olympic rings with one failing to form during the Opening Ceremony of the Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics at Fisht Olympic Stadium on February 7, 2014 in Sochi, Russia. (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)

As an Olympic location, Sochi is mediocre at best, and anti-gay, questionably safe and uncomfortable at worst. Here are 28 places that probably would have made better choices for the biggest sporting event in the world.

  1. Siberian desert

  • North Korea
  • The walk-in fridge at a Chuck E. Cheese in Topeka
  • Your grandma's basement
  • The rainforest
  • The Rainforest Cafe
  • The Titanic
  • An abandoned mall
  • Six Flags
  • The house where Uncle Jack and his Nazi friends hung out
  • McDonald's ballpit
  • A junkyard
  • Narnia
  • A sauna filled with rotten meat
  • Justin Bieber's cannabis den
  • Mos Eisley Spaceport
  • The Limelight
  • Australia in the 1890s
  • That giant pile of garbage floating in the ocean
  • One of those islands made of guano
  • Hill Valley (alternate 1985)
  • Times Square at rush hour
  • Highway 280 in Birmingham, Alabama that one day it snowed
  • Those two closed lanes on the George Washington Bridge
  • Cleveland
  • An Italian prison
  • A volcano
  • Space
  • CONVERSATIONS