Maybe he got off on the wrong foot.
Tim Margis, 38, the director of public safety for Concordia University in River Forest, Ill. is accused of masturbating into the shoe of a female employee.
The Chicago Tribune explains how the woman came to discover Margis' alleged misdeed:
A female employee reported seeing Margis exiting her office while buttoning his pants and fastening his belt two days earlier, according to a police report. After he left, she discovered semen in one of her shoes, [River Forest Police Department Deputy Chief James] O'Shea said.
Police interviewed Margis on Feb. 12, when he allegedly admitted to putting some unwanted polish his unwanted in his colleague's footwear, according to the Chicago Sun-Times.
Margis is charged with public indecency and disorderly conduct.
Eric Matanyi, spokesman for Concordia University Chicago, told the Sun-Times that Margis is no longer employed at the University.
Gawker notes that apparently squeamish local newscasters described Margis' alleged action as a "lewd act," declining to go into specifics.
Print and online media had no such reservations.