Someone in office with whom you've never associated shrieks with joy and exclaims, 'It finally happened!'
*All numbers are time elapsed since event
Rather than turn head and ask individual for explanation, attention directed to Twitter.
It is ascertained that a celebrity-related event has occurred.
Said event involves photographic image of celebrity couple transferred to paper and duplicated many times.
EMOTIONAL STATE: Mild Disdain
Experience fleeting urge to open "New Tweet" window. Attention returned to work already in progress.
Peripheral vision reveals Twitter stream moving at faster than normal levels. Attention diverted from work.
After watching Twitter stream for several seconds, mental list made of people to potentially unfollow... but not yet.
EMOTIONAL STATE: Aggravation
'New Tweet' window opened, immediately closed. Attention directed back to work in progress.
Thorough and unyielding analysis of event continues amongst colleagues.
Passing thought about 'Falling Down'.
'New Tweet' window opened. Nothing written.
EMOTIONAL STATE: Self-Righteous
Tweet composed, immediately deleted in effort to not add to event-related rhetoric.
EMOTIONAL STATE: Superior
Three minutes of solid work, the result of matter being settled internally if not externally.
Wry observation about event tweeted by Famous Person Who Does Not Follow You.
EMOTIONAL STATE: Wounded
'New Tweet' window opened.
First three drafts deemed 'too on the nose', 'too cute', 'too negative' respectively.
Tweet comparing importance of event with situation in Ukraine composed, edited, fact-checked and sent to best friend for focus-group response.
Final draft internally approved for tweeting.
EMOTIONAL STATE: Terror
Only Famous Person Who Follows You favs, does not RT.
Life of tweet over. Assessment: 3 favs, 1 RT by someone with 4 followers.
Person who RT'd unfollowed.
Famous Person Who Does Not Follow You tweets almost same joke. Thousands of favs/RTs.
List of 'Funniest Tweets About [Event]' includes tweet by Famous Person Who Does Not Follow You.
EMOTIONAL STATE: Despair