04/09/2014 04:49 pm ET

There's No Headline That Can Do This Cringeworthy 'Social Media' Song Justice

A social media enthusiast who doubles as a jazz saxophonist and worship leader decided to write a song about social media. What happened next will restore your faith in humanity. Or take that faith and burn it to the ground. But one of the two.

The song, entitled "Let's Get Social" (lol), was written by some guy named Phil Mershon and performed at Social Media Marketing World 2014, a social media networking weekend in San Diego. One-word review: Amaaaaaaaazing.

The song is actually performed by Mary McCoy, but Mershon stands alongside the entire time, even giving the crowd a stern command: "You're going to say one word during this song... and the word is 'social.'" Then he randomly yells the word social during the chorus a few times? It's sort of catchy to be honest.

Sadly, Mershon, our new national treasure, seems sort of in on the joke? "Yes, the 'white man can't rap' is part of the intended humor," he wrote on his Facebook page on Monday.

If you'd like to sing along (and we know you do), you can find the entirety of the lyrics at the bottom of this post. But we thought we'd pull out the four best lines.

1. "Here's some photos from my life
My cat, my kids, some bacon"

Because there's nothing the Internet loves more than bacon.

2. "So we shoot our 'viral video'
And we post it to the Gram"

Because all the hip kids call it "the Gram."

3. "I hope as we scatter we never forget
That our posts live forever even when we go to bed"

Sort of creepy but OK!

4. "Alright everyone, I want you to stand up right now, take out your phones, take a selfie with your neighbor. It's time to get social!"

Extended pause for selfies.

Verse 1
I'm showing you things you'll like
Trying to get engagement
Here's some photos from my life
My cat, my kids, some bacon

Verse 2
I'm hoping you'll share my stuff
And tweet it to the world
If you help me grow my Klout,
I promise that I'll share yours

So connect with me, let's have some fun
Let's show the world how this gets done

Let's get social (social) with social media
Let's get social (social) with social media
Where we can spread the word and grow our reach
And find our fans in their newsfeed
Let's get social with social media

Verse 3
We're searching for the story
That'll bring us instant fame
So we shoot our "viral video"
And we post it to the Gram

Verse 4
We're looking for the secret
Of Facebook's Holy Grail
We try to keep from paying
That leads to hashtag #fail

(Repeat pre-chorus and chorus then to bridge)

Hey now y'all, can we just get real?
Do we care about our fans or is this just another deal?
Said another way, have we lost our way?
Social's about the people, remember they are people
Do we really need another fan, like or share?
Do we need another post to show up everywhere?
I hope as we scatter we never forget
That our posts live forever even when we go to bed

[h/t ValleyWag]