WOMEN
04/10/2014 10:23 am ET Updated Apr 10, 2014

My Body Is Wildly Undisciplined And I Deny Myself Nearly Everything I Desire

NBC via Getty Images

I watched the first few seasons of The Biggest Loser avidly. The show offered the ultimate fat girl fantasy—go to a “ranch” for a few months, and under the pressure of intense personal trainers, low caloric intake, the manipulations of reality show producers and the constant surveillance of television cameras, lose the weight you’ve never been able to lose on your own.

During those first few seasons, I often toyed with auditioning to appear on the show though, realistically, that could never happen. I’m too shy. I would go through Internet withdrawals. I can’t work out without music. If trainer Jillian Michaels screamed at me I would shut down. As a vegetarian, I don’t eat Jenny-O turkey. Appearing on the show is simply not workable for me.

Read more on xoJane

CONVERSATIONS