In this week's Tweet beat, a lot of people were preparing for the annual music festival Coachella in the middle-of-nowhere, California. Sadly, Kendra Alvey was not one of these people, but she managed to come up with a perfect alternative: "While you guys are at Coachella, I break into your houses & replace all of your jeans with slightly tighter versions of the same jeans." Hey, if you can't join 'em, beat 'em.
In other (exceedingly infuriating) news, the Paycheck Fairness Act failed to pass this week. Erin Gibson recommended a pretty perfect solution when she tweeted, "Just wondering if we should rename the 'Paycheck Fairness Act' the 'Direct Deposit Fairness Act' so the GOP thinks it's for banks." We are totally on board with that.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
My mom didn't like Magic Mike so we are officially not related
— Rebecca Klein (@rklein90) April 8, 2014
Sometimes I legitimately get bummed that I'm not in any of the Step Up movies.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) April 8, 2014
I will no longer be tweeting about bacon. We had a big fight over cholesterol.
— SHOTSKI McGEE (@Shellsterca) April 7, 2014
Just wondering if we should rename the "Paycheck Fairness Act" the "Direct Deposit Fairness Act" so the GOP thinks it's for banks.
— Erin Gibson (@gibblertron) April 9, 2014
While you guys are at Coachella, I break into your houses & replace all of your jeans with slightly tighter versions of the same jeans.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) April 10, 2014
we could be mid-earthquake and if you put a blanket over me i will go to sleep
— Kelgore Trout (@KelgoreTrout) April 9, 2014
Missed connection: I was at the gas station getting a bottle of water. You were a box of Pop Tarts.
— bee (@coastiebee) April 9, 2014
1. sorry, just saw your text
2. yeah, we should totally hang out
3. no thanks, I'm not hungry
lies I tell regularly
— heather & lexi (@pizzacatsanddix) April 9, 2014
No, I meant it as a compliment when I pulled your hair out and taped it to my face, why are you screaming
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) April 8, 2014
I retweet girls a lot because they're cute, funny, smart as hell and don't follow up my retweets with an offer to see their penises.
— Allie (@AllieA) April 7, 2014
she died doing what she loved: telling someone the difference between your and you're
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) April 8, 2014
Your true self is revealed in the reflection you see in the vending machine
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) April 10, 2014
shouts to ladies who can pull off not wearing a bra, i'll never be you but i respect you
— Jessica Roy (@JessicaKRoy) April 11, 2014
i look pretty good from far away today
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) April 11, 2014
Somewhere there is a planet of balloon animals, entertaining their children by bending real dogs.
— Sloane Crosley (@askanyone) April 11, 2014
I have a recording of Sylvia Plath reading “Daddy” in my iTunes, so when I want to make sex ~*~dAnGeRoUs~*~ I put my playlist on shuffle.
— Anna Breslaw (@annabreslaw) April 11, 2014
an alarm clock is the devil's music.
— Megan Neuringer (@MeganNeuringer) April 11, 2014
DTF: Down to Talk abt Feelings
— Maureen O'Connor (@maureenoco) April 11, 2014
How long do you think Beyonce waited to accept Jay Z's friend request?
— Alison G. Vingiano (@alivingiano) April 9, 2014
I just caught my kid eating a stick of butter, if you're curious about my Gene pool.
— Queen Tastyface (@theGingercorn) April 11, 2014
If I were in the Wu Tang Clan, I'd be Ghostface Killah.
I'm super pale from wintertime, and I'm pms-ing.
— Marl's Beans (@Marlebean) April 11, 2014