04/17/2014 10:48 am ET Updated Apr 17, 2014

Who Needs Equal Pay, Really?

Duane Howell via Getty Images

Sometimes, it's hard to remember why I even have a job. I mean, I've got to get up early, put on clothes that aren't pajamas, and drag myself to the subway just to come here and fulfill my stupid lifelong dream of being a writer. I could just stay in bed and watch reruns, but, ugh, here I am contributing to society. Somewhere along the way, I got it in my head that my work was worth as much money as my male counterparts, but that just goes to show you how dangerous it is when ladies put on their big-girl shoes and leave the house.

Thank goodness Phyllis Schlafly, legendary conservative activist, is here to set me straight.

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