Welcome to "Game of Moans," the weekly recap of "Game of Thrones" Season 4 that highlights all the moan-worthy, gasp-filled, OMG moments that litter the Seven Kingdoms. In other words, you can get a traditional recap anywhere, so here's all the sex, bloodshed, and WTF moments (the good stuff) that went down this week:
(Spoiler alert if you haven't seen Season 4, Episode 4 "Oathkeeper.")
In Sunday's (April 27) episode, "Oathkeeper," a sword was named, a city of slaves were freed, the king's killers were revealed, and some freaky stuff happened to a baby.
The Rebel Moan
The slaves of Meereen banded together after Grey Worm's inspiring words and finally revolted against their masters. There's nothing worse for a slave master than seeing the words "Kill the Masters" etched across a wall right before getting ambushed by a horde of your own slaves equipped with swords and knives -- or is there something worse?
The Moan of Justice
Daenerys showed her truly ruthless side by proving that she would not rule with one ounce of mercy when retribution must be had. "I will answer injustice with justice," she said, in one of her best lines ever, right before crucifying 163 Meereen slave owners. Yep, that's much worse than an ambush, and further proof that Dany doesn't need dragons to scare the crap out of people, although I did miss the little fire-breathing beasts this week.
The Oh-No-He-Didn't Moan
Bran, Hodor, Jojen and Meera Reed are left in a terrible spot at the end of the episode. Captured by Karl and his former brothers of the Night's Watch, things are only going to get real ugly when Jon Snow and his brothers arrive at Craster's. It's one kind of evil to drink wine from the skull of your previous commander's head (whose death you essentially caused), but to slap a disabled boy across the face? Nope, not cool Karl. I can't wait till Jon snow is making a whole dining set out of his bones.
The WTF-Is-Happening Moan
Woah, what the hell was going on? The last few minutes of this episode were an odd mix of fear, confusion, and deep concern that I had not yet felt during "Game of Thrones." What are the White Walkers doing to these babies? Who is that Darth Maul-looking guy? What's with the long nasty fingernail? Is Elsa behind this? Luckily, my confusion was echoed by all viewers since not even the book readers knew what the hell was going on, or what will happen next with that storyline. All I know is, those final 30 seconds were maybe the scariest part of the entire series.
Who killed Joffrey?
It was finally revealed! As I suspected in my Purple Wedding recap, Olenna Tyrell did indeed kill Joffrey, but not alone. The sneaky Littlefinger helped her, and all he had to do was make some new friends. Murder is as simple as that, guys!
- The scene between Jaime and Tyrion had some fantastic writing. I'm so glad that the two finally brought the incest out into the open -- the one elephant in the room that was (semi) addressed this episode.
- The other elephant? Um, rape. Neither Cersei or Jaime acknowledged it, but she did lord her power over him by treating him like a servant rather than her lover/brother. Maybe that was the writers' way of revealing her reaction to the rape, but it's hard to think that Cersei, whose moods are constantly fluctuating on a scale of bitchiness, wouldn't have treated Jaime this way even without the rape. Hopefully it is addressed later on in a stronger way.
- Margery has a bit of her grandma's feisty manipulation in her! I love it and I'm so glad she didn't try to have sex with Tommen -- that scene could've gotten incredibly uncomfortable, but luckily it ended sweetly.
- I'm starting to (somewhat) understand why the writers may have decided to add the rape scene. Without it, Jaime would almost be one of my favorite characters right now, and he'd be far too good of a Lannister. Siding with his brother over Cersei, going against her command and asking Brienne to protect Sansa, giving Brienne his sword (Oathkeeper, yay!), and saving Podrick from King's Landing -- these heroic acts would all make Jaime too good to be true. I can start to see how the rape has added to the complexity of his increasing just acts and his character over all. But don't get me wrong, I'm not agreeing with or excusing the rape scene, and I don't read the books, so I can't speak to that. However, I can appreciate how the rape has further complicating Jaime's battling sides of good and evil.
- Last very important thought/request: whoever stabbed Hodor needs to be brutally killed immediately.
"Game of Thrones" airs on Sundays at 9 p.m. EDT on HBO.