They say April showers bring May flowers... and apparently more Rob Ford crack news. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Thursday, May 1, 2014.
The Scuttlebutt
- Photos of Rob Ford smoking crack cocaine... again
- Horrific video from inside sinking South Korean ferry
- Amal Alamuddin, George Clooney’s fiancee, shows off her stunnnnner of an engagement ring
FLORIDA PRISON EXPLOSION
“An apparent gas explosion caused part of a county jail in Florida to collapse, killing two inmates and injuring about 100 others.” CNN has video from the scene. [Story via CNN, Image via ABC]
AFTER SECOND CRACK VIDEO, ROB FORD IS TAKING A LEAVE OF ABSENCE 
“Toronto Mayor Rob Ford will take a leave of absence to seek help for substance abuse, his lawyer said Wednesday, as a report surfaced about a second video of the mayor smoking what appears to be crack cocaine.” This just might put a damper on his reelection campaign. Here are photos from the alleged video. [AP/HuffPost]
MILITARY SEXUAL ASSAULT CLAIMS RISE 50%
“Reports of sexual assaults by members of the military rose 50 percent after the Pentagon began a vigorous campaign to get more victims to come forward, prompting defense officials to order a greater focus on prevention programs, including plans to review alcohol sales and policies.” The report comes a day after Vets filed suit in federal court to help sexual assault victims access benefits to address their trauma. [AP]
STATESIDE: Rain, Rain Go Away
The horrible weather system may be winding down, but not before it drops a tonnnnn of rain on the Northeast. Break out those slickers, folks. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia got some key facts wrong in his EPA dissent -- some poor clerk’s head is gonna roll. Before the Army’s tattoo restriction deadline hits, soldiers are rushing to get inked. This girl’s Uber X driver was allegedly arrested mid-ride. The Washington Post has everything you need to know about U.S. executions. And the kid who got into all the Ivies finally announced his college choice yesterday, because nerds everywhere needed their own version of LeBron’s “The Decision.”
In getting jiggy with it news, here’s some albatross birds dancing up a storm.
INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: Heartbreaking Ferry Video 
Parents of a teenager who died in the South Korean ferry tragedy released this video their son filmed as the ferry was sinking. Nigerians took to the streets to protest the number of school girls still missing from the militant kidnapping over two weeks ago. Residents of a Canadian town are worried a beached whale might explode. Three are dead and 79 injured in an explosion and stabbing spree outside a Chinese railroad station. And Marco Polo has nothing on the illegal shenanigans of the new “Silk Road.”
In spiderbear news, here’s some bears with awesome rock climbing abilities.
BUY! SELL! BUY! Uber X Arrest Woes
The New York Times asks why only one banker went to jail for the financial crisis. Forget 10%: here are the states with the best tippers. AT&T might be acquiring DirecTV. And this is what shareholders will be talking about at Warren Buffet’s Bershire Hathaway’s annual meeting.
In mini pig news, this one’s appetite is anything but small.
SCOUTING REPORT: Kobe Got His Way
FSU football star and Heisman winner Jamies Winston got busted for shoplifting crab legs. As Sports Illustrated’s Brian Hamilton put it, the episode was “high-bisque, low reward.” If it was up to Harry Reid, Redskins owner Dan Snyder would be going the way of Donald Sterling. Kobe’s probably doing a dance somewhere: Lakers head coach Mike Dantoni resigned. And this Kiss Cam rejection is beyond brutal.
In hard-on-the-outside-soft-on-the-inside news, here’s a motorcyclist who helped an old man cross the street.
CULTURE CATCH-UP: FLOTUS Throwing Some Shade 
Michelle Obama + “Mean Girls” quotes = life made. Goodbye, Christina: there’s no doubt Gwen Stefani will make a better coach on “The Voice” (ba-dum-tish). Allison Janney and Morena Baccarin just signed onto Melissa McCarthey’s “Spy.” Next up for fashion designers Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana: designer prison jumpsuits. And the latest trailer for “Teenage Mutant Turtles” proves once again that Megan Fox only stars in movies about plastic children’s toys.
In Justin Timberlake news, it’s gonna be May.
LIVIN’: iPhone Battery Woes
Is late night pizza calling your name after that last round of tequila shots? Now’s the time to perfect your Irish exit skills. Read these tips on how to maximize your iPhone battery so you can stop being that kid always asking for a charger five seconds after getting to your friend’s house. Ride Disney’s newest roller coaster with this POV video. Here’s how to motivate (aka trick) your kids into doing chores. And as Kristen Wiig can attest, these are some serious relationship red flags.
In horrible pickup line news, meet the men of the Internet.
OTHER PEOPLE’S BUSINESS: Clooney’s Got Great Taste
According to the coroner’s report, Peaches Geldof died of a heroin overdose. Page Six alleges Ronan Farrow wears colored contacts. Jennifer Lawrence was so drunk at the Oscars, Miley Cyrus told her to get it together. James Franco insists he DID NOT have sexual relations with a certain troubled star. Zac Efron talks the never-ending struggles of addiction. And George Clooney put one heckuva ring on it.
In cuteness war news, you choose: dogs or goats?
TWITTERATI
@SteveMartinToGo: Just took my first "Them-ie." A photo of someone else without me in it.
@MrMattRobinson: If the new cast of Star Wars buys the Clippers than you guys can combine all of your tweets into one super tweet
@mindykaling: my head is too heavy it flattens even the firmest of pillows
@AnnaKendrick47: I just left a movie early because I bit the inside of my cheek. I would not hold up well under torture.
@ileanaemoreno: Obama just blew all of you alls lame 'it's gonna be May' JT jokes out of the water pic.twitter.com/6ElmSvVa28
ONE MORE THING
Chicken beauty pagents exist.
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