COMEDY
05/08/2014 10:18 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

34 Crazy Thrift Store Finds That You'd Pretty Much Have To Buy

Thrift stores can be home to some seriously crazy finds. And that's exactly the reason we love thrifting. You just never know what you might find. Your reaction is often half horror that such a thing exists, and half wonder about how to get it to the register without drawing too much attention.

These are those finds...

1. Crazy Cat Lady Action figure.

Now with Foo-Foo grip!

2. Shoes filled with tiny doll parts.

Shoe designer: "How about we put doll parts IN THE SOLE!"
That person's boss: "I LOVE IT!"

3. Three-man purple floral fleece.

Who said you can't buy friendship in a store?

4. Abraham Lincoln cologne.

Emancipate your inner Lincoln.

5. Diorama photo featuring real cats in real-life human situations.

"Fluffy was a straight-A kitty... until he fell in with a bad crowd."

6. Creepy child painting.

When in doubt, parents, always go with the photo portrait.

7. Leslie Nielsen as a naked, pregnant Demi Moore.

Leslie Nielsen would definitely have approved.

8. Doge tee.

Probably the quickest purchase-to-donation turnaround we've ever seen. Regret will do that.

9. Jesus showing off his soccer skills.

To be fair, there are a lot of soccer players named Jesus.

10. Fancy purple suit.

Because you need to look your best for your next encounter with Batman.

11. The Super Kegel.

Looks not-so-gently used...

12. Huge floral tie.

Potato for scale?

13. Painting of an elegant cat couple.

"Presenting, Nip and Mittens von Yarnballshire."

14. Nicholas Cage School of Acting tee.

Enrollment would be off the charts.

15. "Catflexing." Exercise using your cat.

Like regular workout equipment, except completely uncooperative.

16. Some damn fine artwork.

While you'd be lucky to find a print of this at a thrift store, that's exactly where artist Wayne White -- the man responsible for this picture -- turned for inspiration. White pioneered a form of art in which he'd get second-hand artwork and add his own flair to them. We're still not really sure what "LSD" has to do with dogs, but hey!

17. Old lady(?) mask.

Exists only to scare the wits out of people who are were once your friends.

18. Wooden figurines plus... accessories.

Well, those are... fun.

19. Copy of "Marriage Without B.S."

We were unaware that Midwest psychiatry was a field of its own.

20. Furry scale.

You should at least be comfortable while your scale gives you the harsh truth.

21. Figurine of an old lady, uh, sewing up a young boy's pants?

She looks a little too ho-hum about this.

22. Bowling alley computer.

"Can you believe no one bought this yet?"

23. "Nuke a godless communist gay baby seal for Christ" tee.

Must-buy.

24. Kool-Aid brand sneakers.

OH NOOOOOOOOO!

25. Old troll mask.

Anyone have a bridge that needs looking after?

26. Another elegant cat painting.

"Presenting, Lord Sprinkles Red Dottington."

27. Animal hoof lamp.

Not what most people think of when you say leg lamp.

28. Obama's Last Day countdown clock.

Still not made in Kenya.

29. Crazy looking ventriloquist dolls.

In case you're low on nightmare fuel.

30. Giant sneaker.

Let's just make sure it fits. Can you wiggle your toe?

31. All-black last supper painting.

Probably closer to reality than a Jesus who looks like The Dude though, right?

32. Figure of monkey staring surprisingly into a mirror.

That moment when your human catches you checking yourself out.

33. Cat emerging from banana tee shirt.

Cat performance art. Oh crap, we might have just started that trend.

34. Rocks with faces.

For when you want to show off your garden and give someone a heart attack.

Clarification: This story initially included Wayne White's artwork as an example of a "find" itself. While he may have found the original image for alteration at a thrift store, it's unlikely that his final version ended up there.

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