06/10/2014 09:33 am ET Updated Jun 10, 2014

Spanx Wants You to 'Love Your Assets' -- But Hate Your Body

Astrid Stawiarz via Getty Images

Bodies are awesome. The range of variation in height, skin color, hair color, hair texture, facial features, and body fat distribution in our species is pretty damn remarkable. But shapewear companies don’t want you believing that last one. They’d like you to think that a roll at your stomach, or a seam splitting your love handles into top and bottom halves is an egregious fashion faux pas, an embarrassing problem that only they can fix. They want to stuff the female-identifying world into stifling stockings, in search of that desirable smooth, bump-free silhouette.

Frankly, that’s bullshit.

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