06/26/2014 12:58 pm ET

Thursday's Morning Email: How The U.S. Can Advance Today

The U.S. National Team coach wrote you an excused absence slip from work this afternoon so you can go watch the U.S. - Germany game. And even Hulk Hogan got in on the fun: check out his pump-up video for the U.S. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Thursday, June 26, 2014.

The Scuttlebutt TOP STORIES

ESPN walks us through the unlikelihood of a draw between Germany and the U.S. Here are the top five things to watch for. Because you want to waste more work time today, read Mashable’s “ultimate preview” of the match this afternoon. Here's a not terribly scientific analysis of which country is just plain better. And these World Cup #TBT pictures are a doozy. [Mashable]

“Militants attacked one of Iraq's largest air bases and seized control of several small oilfields on Wednesday as U.S. special forces troops and intelligence analysts arrived to help Iraqi security forces counter a mounting Sunni insurgency.” Here’s why this would be catastrophic. Meanwhile, meet the seven men who could replace Iraq’s Prime Minister. [Reuters]

“Investigators looking into the disappearance of the Malaysia Airlines plane are confident it was on autopilot when it crashed in a remote stretch of the Indian Ocean, Australian officials said Thursday as they announced the latest shift in the search for the jet.” Officials believe the crew was unresponsive, most likely due to a lack of oxygen. A new search area for the plane was announced this morning. [AP]

STATESIDE: The Supremes Have Been Busy
The Supreme Court handed down two landmark verdicts yesterday: police must have a warrant to search your cell phone and streaming television provider Aereo lost its battle against TV broadcasters. The ability to utilize drones for any situation “risks a war without end” according to a report by a bipartisan panel. Libraries can now start loaning wi-fi. Government employees in Colorado were chastised for “pooping in the hallway.” A boy who went missing for over a week was found in his father’s basement. Two top Veterans Affairs employees have resigned amidst the agency's ongoing scandal. The U.S. has deported over 72,000 parents who have U.S.-born children. And no, the next story is not the beginning of a “Clue” mystery: a man walked into a New York McDonald’s with a knife sticking out of his back yesterday.

In duet news, watch this little girl sing with her dog.

John Kerry asked Russia to make moves on the Ukrainian crisis in the next few hours. China is beginning to build diplomatic ties with Taiwan. The U.S. is disbanding its anti-terror task force in the Philippines. And we actually don’t believe what city tourists around the world find the most welcoming.

In too cute news, here’s a sloth in a onsie.

BUY! SELL! BUY! Uh Oh, PayPal
Your PayPal account may be vulnerable to hackers. Paula Deen was onto something: butter’s making a comeback. Your favorite furniture store is set to raise the minimum wage for its employees. This interactive chart will help you find the perfect job. And media fakeout: Obamacare didn’t save the economy after all.

In Flit news, watch this hummingbird play with water.

SCOUTING REPORT: Incredible Goal
This goal is why Lionel Messi is the best soccer player in the world. Tinder and Grindr have seen a massive uptick in usage in Brazil. Grantland shows how historically bad teams have been at picking furture stars first in the NBA draft. The freak is back: check out Tim Lincecum’s no-hitter against the Padres (granted, it was the Padres). And FiveThirtyEight breaks down how much money LeBron James brings in for his teams in ticket sales.

In chasing rainbows news, this dog doesn’t understand why they keep disappearing.

CULTURE CATCH-UP: Rock Olivia’s Wardrobe
“Scandal” fans rejoice: you can now buy clothes inspired by Olivia Pope’s kickass style from The Limited. Prepare for the feelings onslaught: Judy Blume is writing her first book for adults since 1998. Diane Sawyer is stepping down from “ABC World News.” The first trailer for the next Hunger Games installment has us really, really, really worried about Peeta. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are reuniting onscreen. Pippa Middleton could become your next “Today Show” correspondent. After the success of “The Fault in Our Stars,” another one of John Green's tearjerker books is headed to the big screen. And is it bad that we’ve binge-watched six of the ten-most binge-watched shows? Maybe we need to go outside...

In scary news, this is what snake venom does to your blood.

LIVIN’: We Love Cheese
You can eat cheese regularly and be healthy. Summer beach reads get expensive -- here’s where to find great cheap books. Check out how you’re sabotaging your own relaxation efforts. And you’ve been cutting grapes wrong your entire life.

In surviving Westeros news, here’s a chart that predicts your likelihood of staying alive in the world of “Game of Thrones.”

OTHER PEOPLE’S BUSINESS: Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
Stop the presses: Kim Kardashian’s a blonde...or not. See the first pictures of Beyonce and Jay Z’s secret wedding. You decide whether Keira Knightley can sing after listening to the lyric video for her upcoming movie. Chris Brown rejected his latest plea deal. Bindi Irwin has a refreshing message for younger girls: don’t feel like you need to dress older than you are. Adam Levine is trying to convince people he’s not an arrogant jerk, but then he says things like “If I knew everyone in the world, they would love me. Every single last f****** one of them.”

In helpful news, this cat basically does the laundry.


@katyperry: Remember kids, no real life decisions should be made until mercury is out of retrograde July 1st!

@AnnaKendrick47: Oh Charlize, always borrowing my clothes and being hot and tall and blonde in them. Classic Theron.

@spencerpratt: Tacos or burrito

@iamdiddy: R.E.A.L. = Remember Everyone Aint Loyal

@HistoryInPics: Alan Shepard plays golf on the moon, 1971

In honor of the 100th edition of The Morning Email, check out Hollywood’s top 100 films of all time as ranked by Hollywood hotshots. Break out the popcorn.

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