Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
"Ok, kids. Does everyone have their shoes, socks, snacks, books diapers, fights, and questions about mortality? Good, let's run errands."
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) July 9, 2014
Today is "dress like your favorite star" at camp and Birdie requested to dress like "Rachel from Friends" THIS IS MY CHILD!
— Busy Philipps (@BusyPhilipps) July 9, 2014
Kid cleaning out toy box:
— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) July 13, 2014
"Look, Mom! I found my harmonica!!"
Wow. It's my lucky day.
Funny how much my kids cleaning up their toys in the basement sounds like them beating the crap out of each other while laughing.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) July 9, 2014
If it weren't for all the banging, screaming, whining and crying, kids probably wouldn't be half bad.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) July 8, 2014
My son just asked me not to get out of the car when I drop him off for camp bc "I look rough." Guess who IS GETTING OUT OF THE CAR NOW, kid.
— Tanis Miller (@tanis_eh) July 9, 2014
That moment when you realize your 6yo's fingernails look not unlike the talons of a velociraptor.
— Sarah del Rio (@sarahdelri0) July 9, 2014
That.
Noticed this morning that school starts August 21.
Finally. Something exciting to look forward to.
— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) July 11, 2014
Signed my youngest up for kindergarten today. Not gonna lie, I cried...bc now I have to hear BOTH kids bitch about homework.
— One Classy Motha (@MothaKim) July 9, 2014
Thank goodness there are kids in the world to remind us that we should be whining about more than we already do.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) July 7, 2014
4 yo: Mom did Elsa freeze you?
— Tracy Morrison (@sellabitmum) July 9, 2014
Me: No why?
4 yo: You have white stripes in your hair.
Me Those are from YOU!
4 yo So I'm magic?
Me Um..sure.
16 is playing this game with me called "the silent treatment".
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 8, 2014
He thinks he's winning. Rookie.
20yo me: Look at the skinny girl! She has no hips! I hate her.
38yo me: Look at the skinny girl! She has no hips! Where do her babies sit?— carly kimmel (@carlykimmel) July 6, 2014
I don't always tell my kids how to dress, but when I do it's because they want to wear fleece to the pool.
— Amy Flory (@FunnyIsFamily) July 9, 2014
The 6YO's phonetic spelling is adorable until she starts playing word games on the iPad.
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) July 10, 2014
I just picked off something stuck to my wife's back. Turns out it was a booger from our 5yo because DUH.
— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) July 7, 2014
You know you're lowering your expectations as a parent when you no longer want to raise a president but just someone who flushes the toilet.
— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) July 11, 2014
3yo just got a tissue and wiped the baby's nose. I feel silently judged.
— lyz lenz (@lyzl) July 10, 2014
I told my kid how I scored 35 pts in a college basketball game and she promptly started snoring. If I need her to sleep, now I know how.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) July 9, 2014
Picture me out with my kids.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) July 10, 2014
Wrong. More trips to the bathroom.
My son's making us dinner and I'm pretty sure it's going to cost me my sanity plus the price of a large pizza in about an hour.
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) July 7, 2014
My eight year-old won't eat his vegetables because he says they don't fit his personal brand.
— Dave Pell (@davepell) July 7, 2014
I don't always step on a loud creaky spot on our floor, but when I do, I do it right after my kids have just fallen asleep.
— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) July 13, 2014
Motherhood: the state of having a shitty day and then getting peed on in the middle of the night
— A. Disgrace (@annadiscraceful) July 9, 2014
Kids.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) July 9, 2014
You can't wait for them to start talking, until they do.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.