In a relationship rut? It's only natural, Dr. Alexandra H. Solomon, a clinical psychologist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University says. "We can't keep up that crazy, out-of-my-mind, falling-in-love feeling forever," Solomon says in the above #OWNSHOW video.
"The more that we're exposed to something in our environment, the more our response decreases," she explains. The first time you hear a new song, for example, you might have a strong emotional response to it. "And then the 500th time it's just not quite the same reaction. And that happens in our love relationships as well."
This isn't necessarily a bad thing, Solomon says -- but how a couple approaches the imminent rut makes all the difference.
Solomon says there is a million-dollar question that all happy couples are willing to ask, over and over: "What's it like to be in a relationship with me right now?"
"Rather than me pointing out to you what it's like to be in relation to you, it's asking, what's it like to be with me? What kind of energy am I bringing into this relationship right now? How am I showing up?" Solomon says.
Approaching your partner in this way sets the conversation up for reconnection rather than distance, she says.
Along with that question, Solomon gives another solution to help couples reconnect. It's simple: Hold hands and make eye contact.
"It's very difficult to feel disengaged when we're looped in with eye contact," she says. "It just kind of kicks off this whole yummy physiological process of reminding us who the other person is and it can get the juices flowing and get couples started on the road to reconnection."