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08/26/2014 01:49 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

The Advice You Need To Hear After A Breakup

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Having your heart broken sucks. But here’s a piece of good news: Putting it back together doesn't have a thing to do with your ex. It's all about you. Not saying it’s easy, but there are ways to minimize the damage and come out stronger.

1. You can't change what you don't acknowledge, so get real about your situation.
Don’t try to con yourself: this relationship is over! For whatever reason, your ex doesn't want to continue a romantic relationship with you. Until you understand and accept that, you won't be able to begin the healing process.

2. Decide the most important relationship is the one with yourself.
Sure it's nice to have a romantic relationship, but it's not necessary. You can be a whole person without being half of a couple. The old saying is true: It's better to be healthy alone than sick with somebody else. You’re only lonely if you’re not there for you. If you're terrified of being alone, you may suffer from low self-esteem. Now’s as good a time as any to get in touch with your authentic self -- the true, genuine substance of who you were created to be, including the skills, talents and wisdom you bring to this world. Your authentic self is the part of you not defined by your job, function or role, nor is it what you believe you are supposed to be. Do you truly know and like yourself?

3. Put this in perspective.
Does it hurt? Yes. Will you miss certain things about your relationship? Sure. Is it the end of the world? Absolutely not! You'll get through this heartache. Just take it day by day.

4. Stay in the game.
If you decide to be miserable all the time, you're bound to miss out on good opportunities. Don't let a breakup cheat you out of living a full life. Learn to laugh again.

5. Resist the temptation to rekindle the romance.
You may be tempted to try to get back together with your ex or to at least pick up the phone and call. Replace that urge with an alternate, incompatible behavior. Go out with some friends, watch a funny movie -- just do something to keep yourself busy. Ultimately you must evaluate whether your ex is causing you more grief than happiness. Is it really worth the stress and heartache? Probably not.

6. Remember: You teach people how to treat you.
Don't let anybody dump you and then try to use you whenever it's convenient! You deserve better. Send the message that you're moving on with your life, without your ex.

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