DIVORCE
09/05/2014 06:06 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

15 Petty Breakup Reasons That Would Get George Costanza's Stamp Of Approval

Jerry may have broken up with more women on "Seinfeld," but no one was more cowardly -- or superficial or illogical in their rationale for splitting up -- than George. (This is, after all, the guy who invented, perfected and patented the "it's not you, it's me" breakup technique.)

Unfortunately, his ways have influenced others. Below, Redditors shared the most George Costanza-esque reason they've ever used for breaking up with someone. Were we judging these petty, unbelievably nit-picky breakup rationales? You better believe it, buddy.

1. "She would constantly say the names of the stores we passed by while driving: 'Jiffy Lube. Huh, a Spencers. Gym-boooo-ree' (that's how she would say it).'"

2. "She wouldn't change the volume on the TV to an even number. I mean, how hard is it to put the TV on 30 instead of 29?"

3. "She walked too slow. We'd go out somewhere and walk down the street and I'd turn around and she's, like, 20 feet behind me."

4. "This was many, many years ago (probably '92 or so). I was out shopping with a girl and we stopped in at the Gap. She picked out a skirt or some pants or whatever, and when she went up to pay for them, the woman at the register asked her if she needed a pair of matching socks. My girlfriend happily said 'Yes,' and I thought that was totally unacceptable, that she could be so quickly and easily swayed to make yet another purchase. It was SHOCKING to me. We broke up two days later."

5. "There was a chin hair that would begin to appear every morning, and every morning she'd head to the bathroom and emerge sans chin hair. Still, though. Other than that she was perfect. *sigh*"

6. "She held her fork overhanded, as in the shovel technique. You can't take someone like that anywhere."

7. "He didn't eat anything but potatoes, peanut butter, and ramen. He wasn't a broke college student, just a f*cking picky eater. Nope. Adios."

8. "Her parents were too rich. And I don't mean, like, nice-house-in-the-suburbs money. I'm talking Fortune 500 CEO-type money. It was seriously intimidating and I couldn't handle the pressure, so I stuck a note in her locker on the last day of school after a three-month relationship. (I was 17, so way too old to be doing that type of cowardly bullshit.) It made for a very awkward senior year."

9. "She was a GUD. Geographically Undesirable. She moved, and I didn't like driving to her new place."

10. "I couldn't stand her name: Antoinette. I tried to get her to go by Tony, but no such luck. She had to go."

11. "No joke, and I didn't see the 'Seinfeld' episode until long after we'd broke up, but she had the manliest man-hands a man could ever hand. I thought I would be OK with it but I wasn't."

12. "She would put saltine crackers in her soup and crush them up. No big deal -- I do that, too -- but when she was done she would lick her hands clean of all the cracker dust. Every. Single. Time! I could not handle this no matter how amazing the sex was."

13. "He had soft, silky hands with pretty tapering fingers. The man's hands were softer and girlier than mine."

14. "She bought me a sweater and showed up at my work to give it to me. We had only been dating for a week or so."

15. "She had a smell. It wasn't a bad smell. It was quite pleasant. Everyone likes her smell. I hated that. I only date women that don't have any smell at all now."

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