Even if you've never been to Burning Man, you're probably nostalgic for how it used to be. The weeklong festival, we are told with increasing frequency each year, has jumped the shark, catering to tech billionaires (and Grover Norquist) who eat sushi on the playa, emit more greenhouse gases than Texas, and don't even let anyone look at their art cars.
There is still one way, however, to attend without feeling conflicted: as a drone. Floating from on high, no thoughts or even a human brain dragging you down, life is as simple and beautiful as our burner forefathers intended. Humans are all equal because they're all ants -- even Mark Zuckerberg. You can't eat sushi and you'll never get West Nile. Your nonessential ports are taped up against the alkaline dust. Drone life forever.