POLITICS
10/03/2014 02:48 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

The Military Can't Come Up With A Name For Its War Against ISIS. We're Here To Help.

Mark Wilson via Getty Images

One of the things that our ongoing military operation against the Islamic State does not currently have -- besides congressional approval, clearly demarcated goals, the sense that it won't turn into a long-term military commitment, or an exit strategy, I mean -- is a name. These things have got to have a zazzy name, for branding purposes. Remember "Operation Enduring Freedom," and how much awesome durable freedom we got from that? That's what this war-ish thing in Iraq and Syria needs. But as HuffPost's Amanda Terkel reported Thursday, it might not get one:

Lawrence Korb, a senior fellow at the Center for American Progress who served as assistant secretary of defense under President Ronald Reagan, said the Pentagon usually names military operations to bolster public support and bring attention to the campaign. In bombing the Islamic State, also known as ISIS or ISIL, attention might not be what the Obama administration wants.

"Usually when you do that, you're trying to rally public support for it," said Korb. "I assume that's why they're not trying to do that. You expect there are going to be a lot of casualties. I think what they're trying to do is keep this on as low a profile as they can."

As the Wall Street Journal's Julian Barnes reports, the main idea anyone has had for a name is "Operation Inherent Resolve," which is a strange because once you start dropping bombs on people, stuff stops being inherent and starts getting pretty damned explicit. And insisting on the "inherence" of your own resolve sounds like the sort of thing that someone who is really unsure of himself does. So it's not surprising that "Operation Inherent Resolve" sort of landed with a wet thump at the Pentagon. Per Barnes:

To some military officers, Inherent Resolve didn’t properly evoke the Middle East. Others faulted it for failing to highlight the international coalition the U.S. had assembled. Still others simply found it uninspiring.

One senior official said Inherent Resolve was a placeholder name and never seriously considered for the overall war effort. Other officials said had the name been better received it might well be the new war’s moniker.

“It is just kind of bleh,” said a military officer.

Well, if it's inspiration and non-bleh nicknames that the Pentagon needs, Eat The Press is here to help. Here are fifty really great names that the Department of Defense can have for free:

1. Operation Slutty Ron Burgundy Costume
2. Operation Nic Cage Covered In Flaming Snakes
3. Operation Schmoperation
4. Operation Use Figuratively And Literally Interchangeably
5. Operation Biden's Bringin' Hoagies You Guys
6. Operation Native Advertising
7. Operation Lindsey Graham Just Crying At You For Days
8. Operation Supertemporal Eagle Talon
9. Operation Enough With All The IPAs, Christ
10. Operation Demented Goatherd
11. Operation Whoops Now You've Pissed Off Beyonce
12. Operation Who Are The Good Guys In Syria Again?
13. Operation Infinite ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
14. Operation Limitless Quagmire
15. Operation The Wacky Doctor's Game
16. Tyler Perry Presents Madea's Family Operation
17. Operation #CancelColbert
18. Operation Everlasting Shia LaBeouf
19. Operation Incessant Needing To Check Google For How To Spell Shia LaBeouf's Name
20. Operation Wow If Shia LaBeouf Has A Google Alert On His Name This Is Going To Confuse Him
21. Operation I Hope This Isn't Going To Result In Shia LaBeouf Doing Performance Art Outside My Apartment
22. Operation You Just Never Know With That Guy, Shia LaBeouf
23. Operation Really Sketchy Subreddit
24. Operation Perpetual Social Commentary From Lars Von Trier
25. Operation Third Season Of Homeland I Can't Even
26. Operation Try Not To Drop Food And Weapons On The Wrong Guys
27. Operation Revenue-Neutral Operation
28. Operation Thought Catalog
29. Operation Guy Fieri Doing Something Downright Satanic With Buffalo Wing Sauce
30. Operation Comcast Will Be There Between 12 and 4, Trust Us
31. Operation Dangling Participle
32. Operation FedEx Field Parking Lot
33. Operation Dot Tumblr Dot Com
34. Operation The Last Word With Lawrence O'Donnell
35. Operation Sempiternal American Flag Gif
36. Operation Perdurable FUBAR
37. Operation The Thesaurus Entry For 'Infinite' Really Gets A Workout When You Do This Sort Of Thing
38. Operation Do You Think Someone At The Pentagon Just Has This Job, Naming Operations?
39. Operation That's Probably A Pretty Good Job For Someone From The Iowa Writer's Workshop
40. Operation Maybe This Is What Thomas Pynchon Does Between Novels
41. Operation Who's Up To Go Apple Picking This Weekend?
42. Operation Thirsty Rando Eyeing You From Across The Bar While Vaping
43. Operation Vox Explainer
44. Operation Why Can't I Get Anything For Lunch That's Not Quinoa At This TED Talk
45. Operation Everlasting Misogynistic Ed Champion Screed
46. Operation Here's Some Hot Garbage From The Latest Politico Magazine
47. Operation Desperate Email From A Democratic Senate Candidate
48. Operation Incalculable Pumpkin Spice
49. Operation Affleck Dong
50. Operation America Is Basically This GIF Spinning Eternally Now:

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