10/17/2014 10:21 am ET Updated Oct 17, 2014

Threats To Americans, Ranked (By Actual Threat Instead Of Media Hype)

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Obsessing about possible threats is something of a beloved national past-time here in America, which is objectively one of the safest places on Earth, so we want to help you do it right. Here, then, is a highly un-scientific and incomplete ranking of threats to the United States — sorted by the current danger to Americans, worst-case danger to Americans, and how freaked out you should be.

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