This week was full of preparations for the national eating contest -- or what some call the Thanksgiving holiday. It's a day filled with dodging awkward questions from relatives, throwing elbows at the dinner table and, of course, eating. Maggie Mull is excited for Thanksgiving, but for reasons other than the food: "Thanksgiving is the only day of year when my grandma yelling 'I dropped a breast on the floor and the dogs eating it!' isn't a 911 emergency."
In other news this week, the non-indictment of police officer Darren Wilson in the killing of Michael Brown got a lot of people on Twitter (and in real life) really riled up. "*Cracks knuckles* time to unfriend some racists on Facebook," Twitter user PeachCoffin tweeted. Truth.
Shari Vanderwerf summed up the week perfectly when she tweeted, "Why not announce the grand jury decision on Thanksgiving when we're too bloated to riot?" Maybe not riot, but protest peacefully? Definitely.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Be that family member that drinks wine out of the bottle and ruins Thanksgiving dinner for everyone.
— Goddess of Mischief (@ShanaRose21) November 24, 2014
*cracks knuckles* time to unfriend some racists on Facebook
— Paige (@PeachCoffin) November 25, 2014
When my family asks about my life on Thanksgiving break pic.twitter.com/VQqcDrwWVt
— Tweet Like A Girl (@TweetLikeAGirI) November 24, 2014
-switch all local manger baby Jesuses to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
-steal neighbor's turkey
— bourgeois beth (@bourgeoisalien) November 25, 2014
I just licked a door frame to win a family argument and there are still three days until Thanksgiving.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 25, 2014
"I ain't even pregnant, I just eat good" -me after Thanksgiving
— PayDay (@HaydenHueburger) November 25, 2014
When ya mom say "come eat" on Thanksgiving😂😭 https://t.co/uIJOEWikYA
— ♏️ (@__PYTT) November 24, 2014
Why does autocorrect capitalize Kardashian but not thanksgiving? What happened to us
— Adrienne Airhart (@craydrienne) November 25, 2014
The positive side to my kids being on Thanksgiving break is now my day drinking is totally justified.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 25, 2014
Why not announce the grand jury decision on Thanksgiving when we're too bloated to riot?
— Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) November 25, 2014
at thanksgiving dinner take a shot everytime a family member asks how school is going or why you're still single
— liz (@lizzy_israel) November 25, 2014
This Thanksgiving make sure to engage in a political discussion with your uncle who calls it The Facebook
— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) November 25, 2014
In lieu of spending 5 bucks (in quarters) to do my laundry, I drove it 300 miles to my parents house because happy thanksgiving I'm 23.
— Shelby (@smelbz) November 24, 2014
In-laws are both gone. It's FINALLY my turn to make Thanksgiving dinner the way I want to!
*Researches which Chinese restaurants deliver*
— Bianca LaVagina (@AnitaHelmet) November 24, 2014
Thanksgiving is the only day of year when my grandma yelling "I dropped a breast on the floor and the dogs eating it!" isn't a 911 emergency
— Maggie Mull (@IAmMaggieMull) November 24, 2014
If you can't spend this Thanksgiving with your family, it's comforting to know they're only one phone call away from ruining it
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) November 24, 2014
My dad claims he's making a "Pumpkin Brûlée" pie for Thanksgiving but I'm pretty sure he just wants an excuse to buy a blowtorch
— Annie Stamell (@stamos) November 24, 2014
thanksgiving snuck up so quickly this year. then it's christmas then new years then we all die
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) November 25, 2014
Extended family Thanksgiving gatherings are like sitting around with living, breathing forwarded emails.
— Erica (@SCbchbum) November 25, 2014
My definition of “perfect Thanksgiving guest” is more like “Show up friendly and not smashed. Bring a food or a playlist. Be kind.”
— Erin Kissane (@kissane) November 26, 2014
So Happy Thanksgiving everyone! This is what I will be doing:
— Alanna Vagianos (@lannadelgrey) November 24, 2014